"Encountering God meant that I was faced with the choice of whether I wanted to build His kingdom or mine. I was either in or out.
This encounter is, indeed, dangerous. It's dangerous because we often stumble upon God in the places we least expect, and often don't want to enter. It's dangerous because it draws us back again and again."
Sadly, I can't claim those words as my own. I wish I could; they're great words. But they're Jay Milbrant's. I wanted to start this post by sharing his words because they helped answer a prayer I prayed this morning. As usual, they weren't the answer I was looking for; but they're the answer I was given.
When I get an email on my phone, it shows a little icon above the email button. I don't get to see what's inside the email, I just get to see that there's one waiting on me. That's how I felt this morning as I got up from my computer frustrated at being unable to write something that seemed worthy of being posted. I felt that I couldn't write anything of value because I had an unread message from God waiting on me. I also felt that if I didn't get out of the house and away from the computer, I would burn things down. It was just one of those mornings...
As I left, I prayed that God would speak to my heart and give me the words He wanted me to write. At the time, it didn't dawn on me how arrogant it was to ask God to tell me what I wanted Him to tell me, so I could do what I wanted to do instead of asking Him to tell me what He had to say and just carrying on from there. And as usual, when I asked for one thing, I was given something completely different.
I don't feel that God wanted me to write anything today. Writing is something that I want to do. What God wants is for me to go do something. And I couldn't be happier. It's not going to be easy. It's not even going to be all that much fun at times. But holy cow is it going to be awesome!
Before now, my life has been a series of seemingly disconnected events. Think of life as a puzzle, only until today I couldn't see how any of the pieces could possibly fit together; they were just too random to form anything meaningful. While I sat at a red light somewhere between Cups in Fondren and Repeat Street in Ridgeland though, God shuffled those pieces around in my head so that I could get a glimpse of what that picture may well look like. He didn't put them all together for me; that's my job. There's still a lot of work to be done finding pieces, figuring out how to get what I need to connect them all, and putting them all together. But I think now I see what that picture will look like in the end.
My puzzle isn't exactly a picture of the American Dream. It doesn't involve a mortgage on a 4 bedroom house in the suburbs that I can't afford. It doesn't involve a flashy car, a big screen tv, or lots of fancy stuff. It won't be normal. It won't be easy. It may not even always be safe. It's going to be better than that!
Bekah, I can never thank you enough for a gift I don't even think you realize you gave me. You gave me a really nice sweater. You gave me a really nice bible. You even gave me a few really nice kisses. None of those can even compare to the walk you gave me with the Lord, something you probably don't even realize you did. You gave me the piece of my puzzle that gave all the other pieces meaning. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.